Being in a relationship with a narcissist is oftentimes something that you only realize is incredibly toxic once you’re finally outside of it. These relationships are toxic because of how confusing, exhausting and abusive they are, so props to you for finally gathering the courage to say ‘No, I’m not doing this anymore.’
Breaking up with a narcissist is slightly different than breaking up with a normal person--largely because your entire world most likely revolved around them.
Here are five common habits and patterns that are unhealthy for you, but that many people suffer from shortly after breaking up with a narcissist:
It can be hard when family members and friends, who often told you how poisonous your significant other was, turn out to be right about your relationship. It makes you feel stupid and naive. But, do your best not to focus so much on this. The best thing you can do is to recognize it as a mistake and move on with your life. You are human after all, and we all make mistakes.
Feeling sexually frustrated
A large portion of dysfunctional, toxic relationships are held together by one thing: sex. And typically (not always), mentally unstable or damaged people are also the most freaky in bed. Because these relationships lack in certain emotional areas, they often make up for it with dynamite sex. So, it’s normal for you to be missing those lustful nights that were filled with passion.
The solution? Take care of it yourself if you want to be alone, or find a friend with benefits to blow off some steam.
Rationalizing his or her behavior
This can be one of the toughest things to get past, mainly because you became so accustomed to doing it while in the relationship. Narcissists are constantly testing your mental gymnastics, forcing you to find excuses for their poor behavior and even rationalize all of the crappy things they do to you and others. Don’t give in and let things of that nature go. Recognize how unhealthy they are for you and be happy that you’re not a part of them anymore.
Narcissists don’t like it when others appear superior to them, so there’s a good chance that your significant other liked to talk trash about you or even insult in order to make you feel inferior. If they can make you feel insecure and doubt yourself, they’ve already won in their minds. So, feeling as though you’re not good enough or it was your fault that things didn’t work out is normal. It can be hard to come back from this, but you can. You must practice self-love every day and focus on building up trust in yourself.
Jealousy is easy to feel after every breakup, especially if your former partner is already seeing other people. Find solace in the fact that narcissists often keep potential victims around for this very reason--to never be without someone they can abuse. If you’re feeling jealous of their new partner, remember that their new partner is about to go through some serious hell being with your ex. This often makes you feel sorry for them instead of angry at them, and rightly so.
Oftentimes the best way to get over a narcissistic ex is simply by cutting them off entirely from your life. Zero contact. It’s in your own best interests to move on as fastly as possible. Start to culminate self-love, self-respect and self-worth. Approach each day with positivity and mindfulness and allow yourself to heal. Eventually, you’ll be a whole new person--one who is much better because of what you’ve gone through and overcome.